Eyes in the Back of Our Heads

It’s not for nothing that they call parenting a tough job. If you’ve seen Adolescence, the new Netflix series everyone is raving about, you will realize why. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to parenting and sometimes, despite your best efforts, things can go horribly wrong. Growing up, I often heard my mother warn us that she had eyes at the back of her head. It made me curious, that turn of phrase. What on earth did she mean? How could anyone have eyes at the back of their head? I even remember parting her hair once to see if I could find those extra pairs of ‘eyes’ that she claimed to have. It was only when I became a parent myself did the weight of her words sink in.

Being a parent means signing up for a lifetime of vigilance. Not mollycoddling or helicoptering – just plain and simple vigilant. Having that extra pair of eyes, if you will. I grew up before the internet was made public or social media came into existence. If that gives you the impression that life was easier for us back then, think again. There may have been just academics at school and extra-curricular activities for those of us so inclined but there was also peer pressure, bullies, drugs and alcohol. Yet somehow, our mothers without the support of WhatsApp groups or Instagram surveillance navigated the treacherous terrain and made sure we turned out okay. The more things change, the more they remain the same. Things may be different now with social media, online gaming and a zillion other distractions. But the evils have remained constant. They just have sophisticated tech avatars now. Bullying has morphed into cyberbullying and peer pressure has extended its sneaky tentacles into Instagram where lives have to be picture perfect and foreign holidays, designer costumes and the latest gadgets keep you in popular girl cliques and locker room conversations. The `do not talk to strangers’ that was drilled into us as kids has turned into a `do not talk to strangers online’. For all you know, there could be a paedophile masquerading as your new best friend. It can be quite overwhelming, to be honest, but confiscating phones and banning access to the Internet is not the way forward. If anything, it will open the door to more bullying and encourage your kids to be sneaky and carry on behind your back. You definitely don’t want that happening.

Social media can actually be a good thing if handled correctly. The recent Netflix series has highlighted the dangers facing kids today. For me, the last scene where the parents realize that they probably failed to see what was going on in Jamie’s life is the most heartbreaking of it all. They thought he was in his room, playing games on the computer, unaware of the drama playing out in the teenager’s universe and how it was affecting him psychologically. It can happen to any one of us. I know of instances where parents failed to see what their kids were up to because they were busy with their work or their social lives. The message is loud and clear. We have to be vigilant. It is all very well to blame the school, peer pressure or social media for kids going off the rails but in reality, kids need help navigating all of it. That is where the adults come in. Social media can actually be a good thing if used correctly. Instead of banning mobile phones and treating social media as a detriment, schools and parents need to educate kids to use technology safely. Managing screen time, regular workshops about bullying and cybersafety, and counselling will help make kids aware of the dangers. Schools need to put more counsellors on the job if need be. To watch out for the vulnerable ones and make sure the bullies are admonished. Parents need to have conversations about each and everything and not shy away from difficult topics. Most importantly, they need to keep an eye on their children at all times. You don’t need to spy on them. You just need to encourage healthy communication to know what they are up to. You will always have their back – but they need to know that so that they can put their trust in you.

Social media, when used correctly, can be a powerful tool. We need to educate our children and equip them. With a little bit of compassion coupled with an extra dose of vigilance, we can turn this challenge into a win.

Views expressed are personal