Living for yourself

I have a problem that perhaps is my biggest weakness. I get influenced too easily and end up buying things, going to parties, getting into relationships, etc., just because everyone else is doing it. I even picked my college course just because it was in vogue and all my friends were going for it, despite hating the subject. I worry that if I don't have the latest trend of handbag, dress, or tried the social media trend then everyone will think I don't know anything and judge me. As a result, I have wasted a lot of my time, energy, money and had a sour experience in relationships. What is wrong with me and what can I do about it?

You may be a victim of the dreaded FOMO — the fear of missing out.

FOMO is a term first coined from cryptocurrency world referring to the feeling of an urgent need to buy when everyone else is doing it. FOMO, in general, is the anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere or with someone else and you will miss out if you don't become a part of the trend. The feeling is often aroused by posts seen on social media, ones that show the lifestyle of others in a rather flamboyant and sometimes even unrealistic manner. Back in the day when social media wasn't around as much, we had no idea about how splendid someone's vacation, meal or even mundane day was, up until they told us about it. Now we can literally witness each other's lives in real-time. This constant influx of information on social media informing you that your friends are doing something way more fun than you are, which can be a tender spot for many.

The fear that you will be left behind may stem from deeper insecurity, the need to fit in and be liked by all. This peer pressure can cause individuals to feel jealousy, anger, irritability, anxiety and even depression. Interestingly, social media, shopping apps and gadgets use exactly this principle to keep you hooked, engaged and even addicted.

How to overcome it?

Acceptance: First admit that you are suffering from it. It starts from this smallest step

Acknowledge to others: Admitting your fears and insecurities out loud to others takes away the power from the fears

Prioritise: What are your priorities and non-negotiable beliefs with respect to friendship, relationships, health, success etc.? Define them

Assertiveness: Learn to say NO, to yourself and to others. Practice makes a man perfect

Find the true meaning to your life: Move beyond superficial belongings and invest in deep relationships

Practise 'Jomo': Practice the opposite of FOMO by observing JOMO — the joy of missing out. This is the gratifying feeling you get when you break away from the (real or virtual) activities of your social group. Use this time to practice self-care and spend time with your own self.

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