Angry tide

If I was Jada Pinkett Smith I'd be concerned. If I was Will Smith, I'd be seeking a counsellor. What happened this week at the Oscars was unprecedented and problematic at so many levels. A classic exhibition of 'cancel culture'; don't like it so I'm going to stop it. In India, we should be ever so familiar with this trend wherein even if a small group of people dislike a comedy show, advertisement, or film, they can boycott it and force it to be cancelled. But for me, there's another important issue that we simply don't speak about enough — anger. Just think about the time it would take to get up from the front row and walk up on stage with a swagger, with no revelation that violence was to follow just seconds later. This calm collected persona giving way to public physical abuse showed uncontrollable rage at display. I mean, another person while walking up on stage, could and would have controlled the urge to take a swing. It takes seconds to calm down and if you don't, then there is a larger anger issue at play.

I used to like actor-rapper Will Smith right from his 'The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air' days to 'Independence Day', 'Men in Black', and 'Pursuit of Happyness'. Now, if there's one thing, we know, it's that Smith is definitely not happy. And there was no 'getting jiggy' with him this week. Chris Rock's joke was in poor taste but he surely didn't deserve to be slapped. What followed Smith's action was equally problematic. For many hours, he didn't think he made a mistake, he also refused to leave the Oscars, accepted his Best Actor award with hard-to-believe tears and a speech meant to cover up his anger, and partied soon after. The apology that followed on social media, though well-written, seemed more of a PR stunt rather than a heartfelt admission of one's mistake. Many chastised his action, shockingly some others condoned it. That's the next problematic issue. You can't ever support unprovoked violence. This culture of letting people get away with it without facing consequences is that very same entitlement that allowed Smith to physically assault Rock. Yes, physically assault, that's exactly what he did and should have paid for it. Compensation perhaps, and definitely anger management as done by fellow actors, Alec Baldwin and Mel Gibson in the past.

Delve deeper into this incident, which has mass produced countless memes, and we'll be forced to acknowledge that we don't speak enough about anger issues. We have started speaking about depression, anxiety, bipolarity etc. but there just isn't enough discussion about anger and many people's failure to control it. Now, I'm not asking us all to be zen all the time but managing anger, controlling it and allowing that crucial make or break moment to pass, takes practice. It's all an exercise. And here, I speak from experience. Hitting people (especially kids) may have been seen as a sign of punishing them but in my mind, it's almost always linked to someone first losing their cool and then lashing out. Growing up, I witnessed anger, irritation, and petulance. There were a few shattered plates and some smacks thrown about by the parents. Most of us have received a few blows, and growing up, we'd think it was normal. But it never was. It is often the parents' inability to control their own anger and frustration with life which translates into bouts of rage. As kids, I'm sure we didn't make the situation any easier. But today's woke parents wouldn't dare lay a hand on their kids (though many among them would have been suitably walloped by their own parents). So, while I'd hide in my room and cloister myself from screaming and shouting fests (a pattern that continues till date), over time I found that I imbibed a kind of latent rage, which would be harmless when left alone but the recipient would have Hell to pay if stoked.

My contention here is that we just don't talk about anger. We accept that most people today are unhappy and/or depressed and/or stressed. But what about the ones who are angry? That anger grows within as a canker spreading unhappiness, may be a disease or two, and also spills out in the ugliest fashion. I can't say what ails Will Smith, his therapist would know better. But thanks to doctors and studies, we know that uncontrollable anger is symptomatic of frustration, anxiety, recklessness, etc. and can lead to health issues (high blood pressure and heart problems).

So, what are the solutions? On the occasion that I'd fly off the handle, even if the reason was legitimate, I'd feel ashamed and embarrassed. That's primarily why I turned to meditation and yoga, as a way to set right my mental equilibrium and 'practice' calm. We all have that switch that can be turned off; identify that switch and practice turning it off to stem the angry tide of rage. Identify your triggers and walk away; there's absolutely no shame in that. Exercise the body — an excellent way to get rid of toxins, pent up energy and frustration and replace it with dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin. Don't enable someone's act of anger by saying it's okay; it really is not. But having done that, don't isolate the person but rather help them manage their anger; urge them to enrol into anger management programs or speak to a therapist. And most importantly, don't forget to breathe.

The writer is an author and media entrepreneur. Views expressed are personal