Smoothening rough edges

My spouse and I have been together for nearly a decade now. But I cannot remember a time when we were not fighting. Recently I began to have panic attacks; my therapist believes that my marital discord is one of the reasons. My husband and I are planning to go for therapy but we are quite unsure about how it works, and whether we really should involve a third party in our mess? I am also apprehensive since there may be issues I don't want my spouse to know about.

Every relationship has its ups and downs. But, after a point where things get more sour than sweet, it is worth exploring as to how can this relationship be made better together.

Couples therapy is interchangeably called Marital therapy, even though one doesn't need to be married to go through one. It attempts to improve romantic relationships and resolve interpersonal conflicts.

What is it?

Couples Therapy is a safe space to work through the challenges of relationships. It begins by getting attuned to your therapist who is a neutral third party without any pre-judgements about the couple. Your couple therapist/marital counsellor will ensure to provide confidential dialogue and normalise your feelings. A space is created where both parties feel heard, and the therapist is a reflective mirror to reflect upon the issues and find potential changes.

How does it work?

Individual and couple sessions are planned to help assess the problems in the relationship, identify negative interaction cycles as a pattern and balance the reactive emotions. The journey is aimed towards eventually re-creating a new positive bonding, and securing attachment and a sense of intimacy.

Will we stop fighting after this?

A couple can and will fight but, after the therapy, the chances of the fight being fair and clean is more than a dirty hurtful fight that can scar you mentally or physically.

Does it work on the mental wavelengths of a couple?

A couple may have one or many areas of work. Physical intimacy, sexual incompatibility, gender roles, affairs are some other areas where one may work. Couples can help ascertain their goals from therapy.

Confidentiality clause

A therapist offers confidentiality to each client individually. You can specify the areas you don't want as a part of the common discussion, and this is respected to the utmost degree.

Does marriage counselling work?

Yes, indeed. Behavioural couples therapy is a well-researched and established treatment for marital discord as it is effective for 69 per cent of couples and is studied over five years follow-up with good results.

Therapy has helped save many marriages after years of disconnect, abuse, affair, or lack of compatibility.

Tip for you:

❃If you are married and feel that the love is lost somewhere, try to focus on the strengths that brought you together with your other half in the first place.

❃Plan a date.

❃Go surprise them.

❃Show gratitude for the small things they do for you each day.

Fact: It is estimated that nearly half of all married couples get divorced and about one in five marriages experience distress at some time.

Send your questions tohelp@dreradutta.com