Hold your wrath

"He who angers you, conquers you!" — Elizabeth Kenny.

Is 'angry' your middle name? Do you find yourself getting angry easily over trivial matters? Do you notice that you grind your teeth when your demands are unmet? Does your temper soar high very easily?

The chances are that at some point at least one loved one may have told you that "you need to calm down." More and more individuals in this fast-paced world are growing impatient and are unable to cope up with demands.

Not letting the anger get the better of you could be a realistic need. Anger is not a bad thing. It is just an emotion. Often, what one does when angry — behaviorally — is deemed bad if it's brash, rude and hurts the other person's sentiments. If you wish to have better understanding and sense of your anger, then you may want to:

Accept that you have a problem: Accept that you may not be handling this emotion well and need some help. This is step number one. Surrender to the fact that anger may have become a part of your personality and it needs to be fixed.

Identify the root cause: We all have our stressors — Work, family, money, relationships etc. Notice what or who easily pushes your button each time. Do you see a trend or theme?

Identify your trigger: There is always that one small instance which causes you to go overboard with rage. For most individuals, the triggers lay in small things e.g., not eating on time, being spoken to harshly etc. Notice what tips you over the edge. Triggers could be internal (old thoughts, hunger, tiredness) or external (a person or certain words).

Solution time — step back: Usually, there is an overwhelming feeling of guilt after being angry. Next time, when you are boiling with rage, take a step back. Literally, a step back. This step must transform into action, and in words too. Step back and quickly evaluate what you are about to say. Take another step back now and ask, can this wait? Is it necessary? Am I speaking from a place of rationale or emotion?

Must-try methods to calm you down

Fire hose technique: This is a time-tested formula. Have a glass of cold water. Ensure that you have it slowly and notice the sound of gulping while mentally counting one to 10. You will notice that the gulping will slow down as you become aware. This is a mindfulness technique.

JPMR: JPMR stands for Jacobson Progressive Muscular relaxation. It is a method of releasing

the tension from your muscles one by one. As we all face some muscular tension during anger outbursts, it is essential to identify the target spots and work via JPMR to relax those.

Exercise: Vent out the negative energy via high-intensity exercise like running, sprinting, kick boxing or even Pilates.

Ask a loved one for feedback: Start by asking a close friend or your partner about how you behave when you get angry. Take the criticism constructively.

Writing/journaling: Journal your feelings during periods of intense anger. If you wish to write a harsh email, write it to yourself and then later evaluate whether it deserves to be sent out or not.

Mindfulness based Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (m-CBT): It is one of the trusted methods that helps in anger management. A certified therapist or a psychiatrist can help you with the same.

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. Yet, you are the one who gets burned."

Send your questions to help@dreradutta.com