The woman to remember

As the year wanes, several lists will flood your feed – man of the year, woman of year, person of the year, here are the top moments and leaders that etched a mark in our minds, best historic moments of 2024, etc. and so forth. No doubt that wily politicians, industrious business people, talented creative folk, and competitive sports persons and their accompanying episodes will rule the listicles. When I look back at the year gone by, among the saturated mass of overachievers, one unlikely figure stands tall — Gisèle Pelicot. Both her tragedy and her courage are unique, and yet, when the world expected nothing more, she went a step further and reaffirmed why she, an otherwise ordinary woman, has achieved the extraordinary. And for that feat, Pelicot is for me the person of the year, and I’ll explain why.

Between 2011 and 2020, Pelicot’s husband Dominique surreptitiously drugged and raped her and invited unknown men through an unmoderated website to do the same. Pelicot had no inkling of the secretive trauma that she was undergoing. The French rape survivor’s ordeal of assault and abuse came to light when her husband was caught for upskirting women in a local market and a search of his computer revealed 20,000 horrid images and videos of Pelicot’s rapes. At least 83 men had raped Pelicot over nearly a decade; 51 of them (including her husband) stood trial for aggravated rape, attempted rape, and sexual assault, and were eventually convicted. While the men received less than the demanded punishment, Pelicot emerged as the face of women fighting against sexual violence and assault. The names of the men in the mass rape trial, except Dominique’s, were not revealed; they were referred to as “Monsieur Tout-le-monde” or “Mr Every Man”. But Pelicot demanded that the world know her name — and with that one decision she removed the shame associated with rape that is unfairly placed on the victims. She had no control over the assault, she wasn’t even aware that it was taking place. But in her fight, she finally took control of her life and the narrative. Pelicot coped with the unimaginable betrayal caused by her husband, she took hold of her emotional distress and numerous mental lacerations, and turned them into her stoic persona. And in that, the 72-year-old transitioned from being the victim and became a survivor and hero to millions of battered women around the world.

Pelicot for me, is that “every woman” who has within her the ability to move mountains and affect change. But most stop short — because it’s an uphill task; and in places such as India, such crusades can be endless, frustrating, thankless. We are told that Pelicot has reignited a second #MeToo revolution but what of the first one? These struggles to reclaim our space in the world and to finally feel safe indoors and outside, will never be easy. It may not always beget justice, and it will seem easier to throw in the towel — many times! And that’s when we must think of a select few like Pelicot who led by example.

Pelicot’s battle will not stop rapes and violence against women, but it shines a light on the familial connections to female assault. Almost always, the perpetrators are known to women — a relative, a family friend, a neighbour. Of course, the court case happened in Avignon (France), in one of the most affluent belts of the nation. Even though the case was spread over four years and had 67 court dates, justice was swift. We can’t expect such speediness and fast track judgement in all cases of assault, but we can hope. In India, we are yet to recognise marital rape as a crime — this is a legal lacuna that necessitates careful treading but is also a gaping loophole in protecting married women. Pelicot’s case draws attention to that miss legislation.

The men who raped Pelicot also hailed from different age groups and professional backgrounds. From 27 years of age to 74 years, most of the men were average Joes holding down day jobs such as being a carpenter, prison guard, gardener, nurse, former firefighter, DJ, journalist, truck driver, and so on. This case says a lot about men and crime — as long as it goes undeterred, perversion and lack of consent will not affect anyone’s conscience. If a man can get away with assault, he not only will do it but will repeat it again. This is a bitter pill to swallow but this realisation is necessary for all women and their woke allies, including the few good men. And it’s not hyperbole — a recent German investigation unveiled rape chat groups on Telegram, comprising over 70,000 men from different countries, sharing tips on how to drug and assault women, including those in their household such as wives, sisters, mothers, and partners. As I write this last column of 2024, I want to end with hope — a desire that the new year brings with it better safeguards for women. And if it doesn’t (which the realist in me knows it won’t), we find in us the fearlessness to face and fight it, and like Pelicot make a difference.

The writer is an author and media entrepreneur. Views expressed are personal